“What a fucking life and morning few days sometimes become”, she muttered under her breath as the car raced through the house parking lot. Ila had been an independent lady mostly through her life. This “Mostly” is added to the statement keeping the fact in mind that Indian household girls are usually allowed to exercise her freedom post marriage and that too depend on her husband will to give her the Liberty. But in case of Ila, she has taken this liberty to self and has become independent the moment she touched her youth making a point to decide on her life herself, ever blaming others for the pros and cons some decisions in her life brought for her. In the midst of already added chaos of morning, she was still impatient to another activity of the morning. A text!Which usually reached her phone an hour prior to the today time but has been missing for some 3 months now. This Text was her smile at some point of time 10 years back. Morning started with that and continued with call followed right after the start of office journey drive. That’s how Ila and Naren morning usually started. Busy corporate life and blooming love of youth. They always made a point taking out quality time for each other usually starting from the Call while travel to work, Text messaging each other entire day without calls to avoid disturbing each other in midst of meeting or important work at office. However, there was this usual lunch surprises from Naren she would get, where he used to drop to her work for a quick lunch. Day followed with evening dates on coffee or brunch which ended mostly on steaming love makings making to the all loss of the day they had.Life was beautiful! So was their friendship, passion towards each other, crazy trips and silly bunks to date each other for entire day. However, it is quoted by the great lord himself that we never witness time as even ever, so in the eagerness to explore life and relations we are bound to make mistakes. Ila did that too. She wasn’t able to decide between the two relations of her as it has been always a challenge for her to juggle between responsibilities and life, that’s how her entire life had been. Exploring Life Diva always had challenge to be a dotting Daughter. And here she was caught between an emotional drama and a free life with Naren. Though she chose to be with Naren but he decided otherwise. Their relationship broke and both moved on to their individual paths and life. Ila has always been persuasive, for she knew that mistake was on her part, she tried convincing Naren so they relook on their relationship and give life another chance. Naren decided otherwise and moved on towards matrimony with the girl his parents choose and he selected from the long list of the perfect Brides to be.
It’s already 10:15 and like any other day, Ila is again late for office. She has a record for this. A frequent late comer always attracting eyes of the colleagues to her entrance in the work arena. “Madam, office looks great at 9:45… Why don’t you experience that someday?” Curt remark followed her back from side bay. Amar was as always annoyed for there was a presentation in next 15 minutes and lot last minutes corrections were to happen. “If only you believe me Amar, I leave on time… there are magical powers which always put me 15 minutes behind of the time zone, I need to see the time witch. Do you have any reference please?” Ila, the witty bitch! She joked as usual on her late coming making Amar swallow his irritation and smiling back in return to the charming smile flashed by her. Despite her being in 30’s, Ila looked beautiful and still has the charm and energy of her 21 age. She has been always loved for that, her Smiles and charm. At work, At home and By Naren… her eyes moved to her phone again. No text!
Naren and Ila had been in touch off and on for all years of separation on chat and sometimes on call, mostly Ila boasting about her fantastic life with Travel and friends and Naren always a snob about the money he had been making. Silently, she always wished to meet him once and give last (another) try for their life. She cut the threads once she got to know about Naren’s marriage. Last hope , when seem lost usually breaks people. Ila felt that way on the day too. She refused to meet her friends for long weeks and took on solace for month or 2. Waking up from the ecstasy of all liquor she had been pouring on her stomach and straining the kidneys, she also decided to give on to her mother’s long urge to marriage and finally settled to marry.
It is said, life is a curious kid and loves surprises. And like a 2 year toddler is restless. This 2 year reference is drawn on a particular term- One, you are restless and want to learn everything, you cannot do things alone and need a constant company and last, what you say can neither be understood or predicted unless you have a mom around. So, in a sentence if I summarize “It is tough to understand the pranks of life, unless you have a trustworthy guardian around to hold you.”
Ila received a text in midst of all the new additions in her life. It was from Naren. He was coming to her city and wanted to meet her. Ila’s heart was excited as a child who was to re-experience her favorite joyride. She accepted the request immediately and like old times stole her time from office to spend the day again with Naren after 7 years. They met and met like the old times. It seemed all the years washed away with their light chats and giggles about their new life and this new experience of being grown up for years have taken command over their intelligence and outlook towards life.
What will growing up be? Understanding everything around or understanding that we cannot understand everything around. Well, Ila had been always in the second category. Never wanted to understand everything for there is a different fun being curious. Their meeting ended with a silent promise of never being away from each other again. Despite all the social ties, they met just like the lovers of youth. Passionate to meet and spend time with each other stealing time from life, parents and their respective spouse. They met year after and after and always cherished. But unlike old time lovers fight over time and family they usually argued over their conscience. Agreeing in the end that this is how they want to keep it without explaining themselves or world on their feelings.
“This seems good Ila, so when are we starting with this project?” She was again pulled back from her thoughts for day dreaming has been always fabulous unless you are not asked to explain the realities. She has given presentation with absent mind for it was all fixed in her brains with weeks of preparation. Amar as usual has taken back seat and there she was under the spotlight to take the show further. “We start immediate Boss!”. She spoke with the same charm and that flashing smile she has always been admired for. Once again she has to control the urge to check her messages. She knew she will not receive text from that stubborn asshole for he must be justifying his thoughts to himself and then, it has always been about his life and his decisions. That’s how he has always been!
Why were these Text so important for Ila? She has never been able to justify that. What was she searching in them? Love? Well, this terminology has been always complicated for her. She has never been able to get settled with this. Unlike any other girls she knew she has never been roses and dine kinds, never had a fairy tale of any Prince Charming and certainly would never have settled with only the boy in the story getting all chance to fights, swords and horses. She always wanted her share, Her Share of life, Love, wines, adventures, fights and everything that a relationship could have brought ever. Always lucky as she was, she got all including the heartbreaks!
But what now? Settled professional, admiring and loving husband, adventurous life with her share of wine in the goblet, what was she looking forward in those text?
“Ila, can we close this meeting today and also get onto action? Why you seem so lazy today?” Amar was already standing on her head with his laptop in his arms. Last thing she wanted was this meeting in middle of her thoughts and laziness today.“Nothing, just seems bit lost. My mind got left at the meeting room in morning guess! How do I work without one today?” she settled the enquiry with her wittiness as always. Lift the laptop and followed Amar to room. A previous project was getting disseminated to field today and was ready to launch. She stopped her urge to Text the forbidden number for she knew she is going to be over occupied for rest of her day and will only get free by evening. The time when Naren would be back home to his wife and would be joyfully engrossed in his homely affairs. It was a silent promise of her to self to never cross that path. The lady of courage was always scared to face this path. Neither has she wanted to think about it. The life she wished to be part of was no more her share. And the proud women she had been, she would have never asked for anything not belonging to her. Even Naren sometimes, when she feels weak at heart and want to be the Naïve Self once again, for she always believed that being ignorant is always better than knowing everything. It always changes you as person and makes you grow, which is dangerous to the child within the heart for the child is never able to play with same confidence, trust and carefree attitude. Certainly, with time we all grow and even the Text grew for her. It grew from the friendship talk between two strangers to Lovers talk of two youth. Youth always looking forward to hold on to each other for they loved their physical intimacy and adventures together. From Lovers talk it grew back to the stranger’s talk, where both again went to their own shells, far from each other arms and life. From Stranger’s it grew back to Ex talks, Ex talking about their life and futures which their new life had been bringing to them. Their separate dreams with their respective spouses and families, the dream which they both dreamt for them and somehow gave up too soon. What does these Textbrings to her now? Sometimes they make her remind her past self, the naïve one. This is the part she loves the most about it. Few days it make her look beautiful, for the women in her loves the compliment of the Man she LOVED once in her naïve form. Somedays they get her smile and feeling of companionship for she meets her old friend with endless talks on anything they talk under the sun, which they used to talk over the coffee. And then there are days the text reminds of the grown up years, years and intimacy that has passed for long and yet is being searched. Making her feel lost on the losses of life that her grown up self has demanded from her. The ego of the grownup taking over and fighting for the pride to be kept intact. Too stubborn to give up on the desires. Too weak to bear the loss of the youth years and dreams. And then there are days with No text.Sometimes months and then once a year.
The grown up always fight for their egos and Pride, where the child love the adventure of the Text. Maybe, that’s how she wants to keep it. At least, till the time she can keep.
“And can we hear from Ila now as how do we take this project forward and timelines to the Phase of executions and results expected…” The crowd turned toward Ila with the enthusiastic and confused look and she finally put her phone to silent and aside to continue with the day and time consuming activity of her official work. Another day coming to end where she will head back home with an empty phone to welcoming family.
love!
Anji
